Malangayang Pasco

Although I have not been on in a long time, you are never far from my mind. I hope this Christmas is filed with the love of family. Merry Christmas wherever you are.

41.

Happy birthday, dear one. While I appear to be perpetually angry with you, know it is only because I am still so deeply hurt. You are, everyday, on my mind. I hope peace and happiness has made their way into your life as well as love in your heart.

As I wish everyday, I pray that one day our lives will loop back around. I am desperately lonely without you.

Traveler.

"Love is a travel. All travellers whether they want or not are changed. No one can travel into love and remain the same."  - Shams Tabrizi

I meant to include that in the 14th's post, but I forgot.  It was something I read several days before and thought it was poignant enough to include in the "anniversary edition".

I am still traveling, love.  I hope this prickly road of impasse is just a detour and not a dead end into an abyss.  





(Sometimes I truly believe I would be much better off if I just forget you.)

Dinner.

Two years ago I had dinner with destiny. What promise it had. What future.

As much as I hate you, I still grieve for the day we meet again because I will never be able to tell you so. I do love you... and there is no promise of a future in that.

Dancing with the Enemy.

So I accepted your invitation. See how well that turned out?

1Y2M

...and more heartache to commentate.

Please Let Me Be

I wish I can be as heartless as my thoughts about you.

Fuck You

Fuck you.  I hate that everything around me reminds me of you. Asshole.

Year One

One year has passed and I can say with certainty I have managed quite well. Yesterday I disposed of the last remnants of you... I deleted the folder with all your emails from my account and every picture of you and your children. You are deleted information; the only way anyone will ever know is if I choose to recover it.

I still love you dearly... but what does that matter?

Wonder.

While flipping through channels I stumbled upon the movie Pretty in Pink.  Of course, it reminded me of you and me.  I have always wondered if we would have gone to prom together had you stayed at my school.  I have always wondered a lot about what else would have happened if we had never lost touch- particularly, would we have parted as we had nearly a year ago.  I ponder heavily on the what ifs.  It seems to be the only thing I have left of you to hold onto.  Why so perplexes me.

...tbc...

Still.

Though I am silent, you are ever here.  Everything reminds me of you.

214

It is powerful... just like the thoughts of you which linger.  I still love you quite dearly.

(I know it is early, but I will most likely forget on Tuesday.  I hope this Valentine's Day finds you well.)

Punishment.

Again at the Bonefish Grill, not because it reminds me of better times, but simply because I am hungry.

It does not mean I am not thinking of you.

Punishment indeed.

Sleep

It is times like this when I cannot sleep that you are closest to my heart.

I have not written much since the holidays.  Mostly on purpose because I struggle so to forget you. 

I wonder how long this will last.  I cannot go on living like this... especially knowing you have.

Oh Yeah...

Happy New Year.  I forgot.


(I wish it is as easy to forget you.)